The Right Questions to Ask Your Teen About Their Future

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”At first glance, this seems like an innocent question.Young children often give adorable answers inspired by their parents, role models, or favorite cartoons. As they get older, however, their responses become more hesitant—reminders that adulthood is quickly approaching and the pressure to decide their future is mounting.But is this question really as harmless as it appears?Let’s explore why asking “What do you want to be when you grow up?” might be outdated, or even problematic, and consider alternative ways to talk to teenagers about their future.Career Focus vs. Passion FocusWe’ve often discussed how to help teens choose a career. While this approach works for some, it may not resonate with every teenager. For those less focused on specific outcomes, this career-first approach might feel irrelevant or, worse, lead to a lack of motivation.Motivating teenagers is challenging enough. For tips on how to encourage your teen in high school, click here.For these teens, it’s essential to shift the conversation toward their interests and how those interests could lead to a fulfilling career. Their passion and profession don’t have to be separate—they can pursue careers that align with both.The Average Person Has 9 Jobs in Their LifetimeThe “when you grow up” question is outdated because people no longer stick to a single profession for life. On average, adults change jobs about 12 times throughout their careers. This number is expected to rise for millennials and Gen Z, with job transitions often involving shifts into new fields and industries.A single-career mindset isn’t something we should be encouraging in our teens.Instead, we should inspire them to explore their passions and interests, allowing them to discover career paths that align with what truly excites them.It’s Okay to Start College Without a Specific Career GoalHow many of us are working in the exact job we envisioned when we started college or finished high school?For many teens, college isn’t a direct route to a predetermined career. It’s a transformative experience that exposes them to a world of possibilities. It’s a journey with unexpected detours, intersections, and roundabouts.This highlights another reason why the “when you grow up” question can be harmful—it’s rooted in the idea that a person’s identity and worth are tied to their career. For a teen entering college without a clear idea of their future profession, this concept can be intimidating.As parents, we need to reassure our children that a “successful” career isn’t the ultimate life goal. A job title is just one part of their identity—they are also a child, sibling, partner, friend, teammate, and more. Their value as a person isn’t defined by their job.Questions to Ask Teenagers About Their FutureIf the classic “what do you want to be” question is off the table, what should we ask instead? Here are some alternatives that can lead to meaningful discussions about their future:

1. “What do you want to DO when you grow up?”Asking what a teen wants to be can feel restrictive, like they’re committing to a specific industry or profession. Instead, ask what they want to do. This opens up a conversation about the kind of work they would enjoy and the impact they want to have on their community.
2. “Which subjects at school excite or energize you?”These subjects might give clues about what your teen could be passionate about after school. Focus on the subjects they enjoy, rather than just the ones they excel in (though it’s great if these overlap).
3. “How important do you think a career is after you finish school?”This question can help you understand whether a career-first or passion-first approach is more appropriate when discussing their future.
4. “What changes would you like to see in the world?”This aspirational question can reveal deep passions. Their answer might show whether they’re more inclined to address societal issues or help people on a personal level.
5. “Are there any jobs you’ve seen or heard about that interest you? What do you find appealing about them?”This isn’t about fixating on one profession; instead, it’s an opportunity to explore what aspects of that job appeal to them and discuss other potential paths.
6. “What do you imagine your life being like in 10 years?”This question isn’t necessarily about work. However, their answer might offer insights into what they envision their ideal workday to involve.

We hope these questions help you have meaningful conversations with your teen about their future. But perhaps the most important thing to remind them is that college isn’t about locking into a career—it’s about unlocking their passions and discovering where those passions can take them.